I Broke My "No Re-reading" Rule for This One Book

I rarely re-read books. In fact, let’s be honest - never. Life is too short, and there are too many books to read to waste time on re-reading. Until I got my hands on Purpose: The Extraordinary Benefits of Focusing on What Matters Most by Ben Renshaw. I finished it and immediately started all over again, but this time with a pen and a notebook in hand.

I’m still in the middle of formulating my exact purpose, but re-reading the book with a notebook allowed me to move past the surface. I wasn't looking for quick tips; I was looking for a way to make sense of the big, defining events in my life. The frameworks Renshaw suggests are incredibly useful for this kind of deep reflection. They helped me see that my values aren't just words I like - they are the direct result of the path I’ve walked.

The Forge of Experience

As I filled the pages of my notebook, I looked back at the milestones that shaped me. I reflected on my parents’ divorce and how they navigated that transition, and later, navigating my own divorce and the journey of building a blended family. These are the origin points for my commitment to transparency and open communication. I realized that 'doing the right thing' in a family or relationship transition is the ultimate form of collaboration. It requires a level of authenticity and radical honesty - first with ourselves, then with each other. These experiences taught me that true togetherness is built on trust. It’s not just about the logistics of shared money; it’s about the intentionality of shared goals and decisions.

I also looked back to when I was 17, leaving home to navigate adult life on my own. Living in a student house through challenging relationships with roommates, renting that first room and apartment later, and managing my own finances when money was tight. It planted the seeds for the independence and self-reliance I carry today. Because I had to be my own safety net, planning and preparedness became part of my DNA.

When I brought this lens to my career, the patterns became even clearer. My best moments at work were never about individual accolades, titles, or money. They were defined by high energy, teamwork, and collaboration, helping each other, and growing together. Whether in an office or at home, I’ve learned that I thrive in environments built on growth and exploration.

I’ve learned that the most rewarding work - and the most rewarding life - happens when we stop trying to be two different people. Integrity means carrying the same values into the office that I carry into my living room. Whether I am navigating a career milestone or a family transition, I thrive when I am free to explore, grow, and support others. Purpose ensures I am the same person in every room - valuing both my hard-earned independence and the deep interdependence that comes from working together toward a shared goal.

Mapping the Values

While I am still distilling these reflections into a single purpose statement, the direction is becoming incredibly clear. By looking at these life events through Renshaw’s framework, I’ve identified a core set of values that act as my internal compass:

• The Pillars of Strength: Independence, self-reliance, and a deep-seated drive for planning and preparedness.

• The Ethical Core: Transparency, honesty, authenticity, and an unwavering commitment to doing the right thing.

• The Source of Fulfillment: Creativity, growth, exploration, and interdependence - the choice to build deep connections and shared lives that multiply joy without losing our individual selves.

  
  

Purpose as a Direction

One of the most useful aspects of this reflection is realizing that purpose doesn't have to be a finished sentence to be effective. It’s a direction.

When I’m faced with a big decision today, I look at the direction I’ve mapped out. I ask: Does this path respect the individual growth and dreams that are non-negotiable for me? And does it move us closer to that sense of togetherness and shared trust? It’s a constant balancing act, but if a choice ignores one for the sake of the other, it’s not the right direction.

Purpose in Practice

Reflecting on the book has pushed me to think through the daily practical steps for better alignment:

• The Power of "No": Renshaw emphasizes that a clear purpose permits you to say no. It’s not about being restrictive; it’s about being protective. When I know my purpose - like being present for my family or pursuing work that actually helps people and allows for teamwork and deep collaboration - saying no to things that don’t align becomes much easier.

• Simplifying Complexity: We live in a world that overcomplicates every choice. For me, purpose acts as a silencer. While the power of 'No' is about setting external boundaries, simplifying is about internal clarity. It allows me to stop weighing endless variables and simply ask if a situation serves the direction I’ve chosen. If it doesn’t, the complexity - and the mental fatigue of over-analyzing it - disappears.

• Energy over Time: We often talk about time management, but Renshaw talks about energy management. Purpose is a source of energy. When I am acting in alignment with my values, I don’t feel drained, even if the work is hard.

  
  

The Value of the Pen and Notebook

This second read-through taught me that our life stories are essentially a series of lessons in what matters most. We don't need to invent our values; we just need a framework to help us recognize them in the events we've already lived through.

I’m still writing and reflecting, but the 'why' behind my choices is starting to feel less like an intuitive guess and more like a deliberate direction. This clarity provides a stronger sense of integrity, helping me ensure that my decisions at work and my decisions at home are moving in the same direction.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post is for educational and informational purposes only. I am an AFC® (Accredited Financial Counselor) Candidate, not a licensed financial advisor, tax professional, or attorney. The content herein is not intended to be a substitute for professional financial, investment, legal, or tax advice. Always seek the advice of a qualified professional with any questions you may have regarding your individual financial situation. The opinions expressed are my own and do not represent the views of my employer.