The Financial Belief I Had to Unlearn: "My Kids' Education Comes First"

In my last post, I explored several money scripts born from a background of Soviet scarcity. Today, I want to unpack a different, but equally powerful, inherited belief that crosses cultures and generations: the idea that our kids' education must come before our own financial security.

For many parents, and especially for immigrants who want to give their children every possible advantage, the belief that "my kids' education is the number one financial priority" feels less like a choice and more like a sacred duty. For years, this was my unquestioned truth.

When I first came to the US, I was determined to do everything "right." I learned about the 529 college savings accounts, and it felt like I had discovered a golden key to my children's future. I marched into the bank, ready to open the accounts and start aggressively saving. It felt responsible. It felt like what a good parent should do.

I remember the moment clearly. The banker was helping me set up the 529s, and he asked a simple question: "Have you maximized all of your own retirement accounts before you decided to invest for your kids' education?"

I was honestly baffled. I didn't understand what he was talking about. In my mind, the two things were completely separate. My retirement was a distant, abstract problem for "future me." My kids' education was a clear and present priority. What did one have to do with the other? I politely ignored the question and proceeded to fund the accounts.

But the question stuck with me. It was a small stone in my shoe, a quiet hum of cognitive dissonance I couldn't shake. It didn't make sense to me then, but it planted a seed.

It took years of financial learning, planning, and running my own numbers to finally understand the profound wisdom in that banker's question. I now see the situation with absolute clarity:

• Your children can borrow for an education. You cannot borrow for retirement.

• A financially secure parent is a gift, not a burden, to their adult children.

• By ensuring I am on track for my own financial independence, I am removing the potential for my children to have to support me in my old age. That is a form of freedom that is worth more than any fully-funded 529 plan.

  
  

Today, eight years later, when anyone asks me about saving for their kids' college, the very first question I ask them back is the one that once confused me: "Are you on track for your own retirement?"

This doesn't mean I've devalued education; far from it. It remains one of my highest values. I make sure my kids are in good schools and have opportunities to explore and develop their talents. But I've learned that it can't come at the expense of my own financial security. Being able to pay for my children's education is a gift, a bonus that I will do everything I can to provide when the time comes. But not until I secure my own future first.

My support can also come in many other ways than just paying for things. I can help them find ways to earn their own money, work towards scholarships, and make better choices of schools by assessing the ROI of an education versus their future career choice. A good elementary, middle, and high school education is already setting them up for a better chance of being accepted into good universities. They can also explore international schools and programs. Furthermore, we are uncertain whether traditional higher education will continue to be valued in the same way 10-15 years from now. My role is to prepare them for that world, not just to pay for a degree.

I didn't debunk my old belief; I re-contextualized it. The goal of providing a great life for my children didn't change, but my understanding of what that truly requires became much, much deeper.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post is for educational and informational purposes only. I am an AFC® (Accredited Financial Counselor) Candidate, not a licensed financial advisor, tax professional, or attorney. The content herein is not intended to be a substitute for professional financial, investment, legal, or tax advice. Always seek the advice of a qualified professional with any questions you may have regarding your individual financial situation. The opinions expressed are my own and do not represent the views of my employer.